my imperfect teeth

I take full responsibility for my imperfect teeth
my vulgar tongue

often
i don’t remember what it was like before this
before i triumphed over self-perception
before i realized that it was never about you
before another new apartment under the same old sky
before the soft rain and another four years of small change
before October leaves covered everything
before I heard, I mean really fucking heard, Leslie Gore

this morning two thoughts entered my mind
i was okay
knowing that
i was dying inside
as a pseudo intellectual post-modernist, now
(of course)
I ignored both
even while I understood what was happening inside me

i got up and burned off the last of my sage
I peeled a banana
chortled
at the arrogance
the ignorance
the tedious beauty
and the gall
of it all

sometimes
my lips still taste of american spirit